Saturday, April 03, 2004

So, when I was searching for somehing to write about last night, my friend Chris gave me the good idea to write about some really old memories. I had already started writing on something, so I decided to leave it until today...

So let me introduce you to 6th grader Dennis of Holy Family School. He is someone few of you know, and ever fewer remember. He was shy, cripplingly shy. It was a disposition built up and reinforced over many years of being one of the social have nots in the cruel world of grade school. When he talked to people who weren't one of his few friends, it usually inspired ridicule. He wasn't quite certain why....it just did. He was fairly miserable, and he cried alot. But he did it in private, and hid it from others. He didn't think he was gay, but he knew he was different. He loved watching the shirtless guys at basketball practice, and he had no interest in the Playboys some of the other guys smuggled around.

It was this sixth grade Dennis that was invited, along with the rest of his 6th grade class, to a 12th birthday party for Alicia, a girl in his class at HFS. It was going to be at a hall, at night,with music and (gasp!) dancing. You can imagine how he recieved such an invitation. He crumpled it up in his backpack, and didn't want to look at it again.

As fate would have it, his mother found the invitation and told him that she wanted him to go. This time he couldn't hide it; he cried and told her he didn't want to go. He couldn't express how he felt, or why he didn't want to go, because it was too painful. He didn't have to, she knew why he didn't want to go, and though her eyes welled up in tears as well, she still insisted that he go. He went to bed that night, terrified of the party.

When the night came, he felt like a prisoner going to the gallows. He hoped the car ride over would last forever, but, unfortunately for him, it would only last the usual 5 minutes. As he saw the hall getting closer, slightly lit up in the cold winter/early spring night, he became sick to his stomach. Inevitably the car stopped in fron of the hall, and he was let out. He went up the stairs, took a deep breath, and entered...

Inside it was not quite as horrible as he had imagined. There seemed to be alot of people in the same boat, not knowing what to do at such an odd event, where the lights were turned down and slow music was playing. He got comfortable, and even started to talk with people. When people started to dance though, he got uncomfortable again. He didn't quite know what to do or how to handle things. He mainly just tried to pass the time as best he could without any major disasters.

A group of guys saw him, and insisted that he dance wth Alicia. He smiled nervously, but they wouldn't take "no" for an answer. As a song slowed down and she was standing by herself, they pushed him towards her. She looked up, smiled, and they started dancing. He really couldn't believe it. It all seemed very unreal and unexpected. For him, the song seemed to last for hours. He was filled with excitement. It wasn't a sexual thing, it was the idea that SHE would dance with HIM that made it so electrifying for him. He had thought that nobody would ever want to do such a thing.

That night when he went home, he told his parents he had a good time. He went upstairs and laid down on his bed. He just stayed there awake for many minutes, drenched in a happy feeling he had never known before.

No comments: