I know I have already done a "flashback to a year ago" entry on this blog relating to my first experiences coming out, but as I have nothing very interesting going on today and I need to entertain y'all I will have another piece in this series. This time we'll take a look at my first date (with a guy that is).

His name was Morgan, and we had our date in a small, noisy, coffee place called the Other Side Cafe (It will be a stop on the Reardon Reality Tour in the near future =P). I really liked him, but i was shy and very nervous. He was a few years older (like 20 or 21....i was 18) and good looking. I didn't know what to say or what to do at first. It was very nerve racking, but he was very nice and accepting. He had a way of making me feel like what I said was important and soon we were talking about all sorts of stuff.

We later walked back to his apt. and talked and talked and talked. He did alot of theatery stuff, which at that time in my gay life was such a turn on, and he seemed to really like me. He made me feel totally at ease with myself which was something I hadn't felt in a while. For so long I had either been self conscious about my sexuality, or how attractive or interesting I was but somehow talking to this very attractive guy made those fears go away for a little bit. After a while we watched the Muppet Movie (anyone who knows me will realize that i nearly shreeked in glee when i saw the movie on his video shelf). The whole evening was just really really nice.

When the movie ended it was really late, the T was not working, and he lived in the South End which is far away from BU so it was decided by the two of us that I would stay over. I slept in his bed though there was space between us, as I had no clue what he wanted to do, or even what I wanted to do. As we were about to go to sleep he told me he had a wonderful time, and said he really felt like we connected, which wasn't what he expected at all. He then expressed how he was worried abotu this since he was moving to San Francisco in the fall. I, being the hopeless romantic that I am, said that he shouldn't worry about it, things would fall into place. He leaned in and kissed me, and we made out. It was the first time I had ever kissed a guy.

That night I couldn't sleep I was so excited. I looked over at him so many times, it was like I was checking to see if he was real. I imagined all sorts of scenes in my mind's eye, us walking on the beach in the summertime, nights spent at his apt. watching movies, even me introducing him to my parents. It's the type of things you think about when you have no experience to caution you against dreaming so boldly.

The next day we got up watched some TV, and I went home. I was really on cloud nine for the next day or two, and i excitedly told all my friends about the experience. However after a few days passed I knew something was wrong. He didn't call or email or anything. I called him but couldn't get ahold of him. A few days later I got an email from him. He apologized for not responding sooner (he had been sick) but said that b/c he was movign to San Francisco he didn't want another relationship and another tough goodbye, and that I deserved better than someone who was leaving in three months. I cried.

I'll never know if he was telling the truth or just letting me down easy (I don't know which would be worse). But in any case, he really became the great What If of my love life. I don't think I'll ever forget him.