I've come in second place once again.

The single event doesn't hurt as much as it's an accumulation of things, one more failure at relationships before they even got started.....well more than one actually. I don't know what happened. My year seemed bright with prospects. I went on dates with six people in the first 3 weeks of school. One by one they fell off though, for a variety of reasons, with the latest one coming tonight. Now I am sad and I wonder what more I can do. How can it be that out of so many people there has not been one that has stuck? How can it be that after all this time I still haven't found anybody that's dated me that's felt content enough with me to at least stick around for a few weeks? What is wrong?

When people that I "like" go off with someone they really like I'm happy for them, but there's also a part of me that wants to scream "What about me! Wasn't I good enough?!" Of course its not that they found me low quality or whatever, I think, it's just that I wasn't the one. Rationally I know that, and I even know the feeling. Hell I even know the feeling because I've felt it about some of the people who haven't been happy with me. Rationally I know it makes sense, but I'm not rational when it comes to such matters. When I'm stepped over for someone else, it bugs me, and I feel sad like I do now, no matter what the state of the dating process we were in (I've never gotten out of the earliest of stages). It's probably some unpleasant mix of emotions including jealousy, not knowing how much you like something until it is gone, etc. But knowing that and getting over how inferior I feel are two different matters.