I've come in second place once again.

The single event doesn't hurt as much as it's an accumulation of things, one more failure at relationships before they even got started.....well more than one actually. I don't know what happened. My year seemed bright with prospects. I went on dates with six people in the first 3 weeks of school. One by one they fell off though, for a variety of reasons, with the latest one coming tonight. Now I am sad and I wonder what more I can do. How can it be that out of so many people there has not been one that has stuck? How can it be that after all this time I still haven't found anybody that's dated me that's felt content enough with me to at least stick around for a few weeks? What is wrong?

When people that I "like" go off with someone they really like I'm happy for them, but there's also a part of me that wants to scream "What about me! Wasn't I good enough?!" Of course its not that they found me low quality or whatever, I think, it's just that I wasn't the one. Rationally I know that, and I even know the feeling. Hell I even know the feeling because I've felt it about some of the people who haven't been happy with me. Rationally I know it makes sense, but I'm not rational when it comes to such matters. When I'm stepped over for someone else, it bugs me, and I feel sad like I do now, no matter what the state of the dating process we were in (I've never gotten out of the earliest of stages). It's probably some unpleasant mix of emotions including jealousy, not knowing how much you like something until it is gone, etc. But knowing that and getting over how inferior I feel are two different matters.

WOW! So the Red Sox nearly performed the biggest choke job of the year and lived to tell about it. In the clinching game of a three game sweep the Red Sox were up 6-1, the annoucers had basically declared the game over and were speculating about Red Sox-Yankee pitching matchups. Then, in about 10 minutes the lead disapeared on a 7th inning grand slam home run by Vladamir Guerrero. GASP. Fenway Park was in shocked silence. What looked like an easy sweep of the series turned into doubt. If the Red Sox lost the game they would still be up 2-1 in the series but the momentum would be going against them, and if they didn't close them out tomorrow they'd have to go back to Anaheim and actually be underdogs...SCARY.

I think we all expected the Red Sox to loose after giving up the home run. It's very hard to bounce back from such a thing, and it was like and old script pulled out of Red Sox history. "Red Sox victory seems certain, Red Sox loose lead, Red Sox hold on for a while and tease you, Red Sox collapse in heartbreaking fashion." But amazingly that did not happen tonight. With the bases loaded and one out Keith Foulke actually struck a few guys out to get out of the ninth. In the tenth, Cabrera actually made an excellent play (i.e. the ball didn't go through his legs or flying into the dugout) to get Lowe out of the inning. In the bottom of the tenth, David Ortiz actually hit a home run to win the game. WHO ARE YOU GUYS AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE RED SOX?

Again, I'm not amazed that they won the series. I thought they would win the series. The part that amazes me is that they seemed headed for their usual dissapointing defeats many times, but somehow things didn't follow the usual storyline. When the Red Sox blow scoring opportunities early in the game yet still have the lead, they blow to lead and loose only to be reminded of those early blown scoring opportunities. If the announcers say the Red Sox are sure to win and then the Red Sox blow the lead, they lose that game... the next two...and the series. 1+1=2. The sky is blue.

But this didn't happen. Left was right. Up was Down. It was the Angels who were making stupid managerial decisions, like taking out your best reliever to put in a guy who had been knocked around only a few days earlier. It was the Angels who made errors, like bobbling a sure double play ball and allowing a run to score. And it was the Red Sox who pulled it out. WOW!

So it's 3 am and I'm too pumped to go to bed. The Red Sox did what the Red Sox just don't do which is win two tough games, on the road, in the playoffs. You better believe, though, that neither the fans nor the players have put this series in the win column yet. They still have to put them away with either Bronson Arroyo or Tim Wakefeild.

It's always a hilarious experience to watch games with other Red Sox fans when the Red Sox are well ahead late in the game. The announcers begin to talk as if the game is in the bag for the Sox, while Red Sox fans shout "SHUT UP" at the TV. I think what most Red Sox fans fear is a repeat of something like the Bill Buckner game. During the 9th inning of that fateful game 6 of the World Series in 1986, Dan Shaughnessy of the Globe said that the champagne had been put in the dugout, the reporters had been ushered in, and Jean Yawkey (widow of racist SOB Tom Yawkey and owner of the Red Sox) had been carted in to congratulate the team for their first World Series in 68 years. Then as the team collapsed in the most mind boggling manner possible, everything was literaly rolled back out, including the senile Yawkey, leaving only the reporters to ask the players how it felt to be a part of the biggest fuck-up in World Series history.

Ever since that game every Red Sox/Any Boston Team's lead in the post season seems a candidate to be just like 1986 only worse. So when Chris Berman says "well it looks like the Red Sox will go back to Boston 2-0" every Red Sox fan hears that, except they imagine it's on Sportcenter the next morning followed by "but then came the collapse.....BOO Yah Eckstein homers in the bottom of the 9th to cap a SIX run rally and it's a whole new series." Even when watching the "Snow Bowl" game (Patriots playoff game vs Oakland in 2001) a few years ago with my family, I remember we all let out a collective gasp when we saw that as Adam Vinatieri lined up to kick the game winning feild goal, the three points had already been added to the scoreboard. All we could think of was the ball going over Vinatieri's head and Mookie Wilson picking it up and running it the other way for the touchdown, and having that play, with the scoreboard showing Pats 16 Oakland 13 in the background, being on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

All because of Calvin Bleepin Schiraldi, Bob Stanley, and Roger Clemens (I don't beat up on Buckner he's taken enough of the blame over the years.)