Wow, what an exhausting weekend! I lived in Photonics for about two days running our debate tournament. The good news is that everyone seemed to love it. Some people even told me that it was the best tournament they had ever attended, which really makes me happy for myself and for everyone involved. It's always nice to see the thing you worked so long and so hard on impress people. The downside of it going so well is, of course, that it's going to take alot to top it.

Otherwise, classes are difficult, very difficult....I think I'll leave it at that since it's a boring and depressing topic, and since most people reading this have difficult classes or jobs. So, might as well stop bitching about them.

I went to my first Spectrum (BU's gay organization) for the first time on Wednesday. It was my first time ever at any sort of gay organization, and I think now was just about the right time for it. As a freshman I would have been way too embarrassed/intimidated to be anything but weird and non-responsive at such meetings, but now I'm far more comfortable with the whole gay thing. Though, I must admit, I still feel a tinge of uncomfortableness with letting the general public know I'm gay. Like, I have a shirt given to me by a guy from Tufts who I hooked up with, which says "Bias Off....Fabulous On" clearly indicating my own fabulousness. Now, I've worn this shirt many times in public, but when it's going to be visible, I still think twice about it. Similarly, when I saw the Spectrum people walking around trying to find a room in the GSU basement I hesistated to follow them around, knowing that if I did I would identify myself with that group, and, again, announce my own fabulousness to people hanging around there. I really can't explain this phenomena, there's no good reason.

Now, Spectrum was good in that it accomplished and seemed as if it will continue to accomplish one of my goals for the first semester, which is to meet more gay people (and to meet more people in general). At this particular meeting I ended up talking to a guy from my Colonial Society course, which we concurred was a dreadful class with an insane professor (the class isn't hard at all, the professor is just actually crazy). The guy seemed nice and is not bad looking, but I don't see anything happening. There's always room for more friends, though. In fact, there is a desperate need for gay friends who I haven't hooked up with. Right now, that number stands at zero, and I think it's a result of the mindset I generally have when relating with gay guys. I usually attempt to hook up (by hook up I mean make-out level hooking up NOT sex level hooking up) with desirable gay men that I meet and get to know, and I generally do end up hooking up with them. I do this with almost no regard to whether a romantic relationship would be a workable one. This is bad because sometimes I ruin potential friendships, I think, by hooking up and making the dynamic so weird so early on, where any attempt at friendship would be construed as attempting to continue, or restart some romantic relationship which did not work out.

On the other hand, hooking up is so enjoyable that it's very hard not to do. If a person is desirable and desires you in that way, it's very hard to stave off the impending hook up. From my point of view, as well, it's just so much fun to sample different types of people, how they kiss, how they cuddle/ show their affection, and how they look at you in the moments before and after each kiss. Each person is unique and beautiful in those ways.