As you may know I'm not big on the whole sleep thing, and I'm also not big on the whole "studying for that Math final I have tomorrow" thing either. So here I am making another entry into El Blog.

I'm beginning to wonder what the hell I'm going to do with my life once I get out of this school. I will hopefully have a masters degree in econ which should give me some earning power, and I guess at this point thats what I'm most concerned with. That may sound pretty callous, but I really need/want money so I can be independent for once in my life, and not rely on people to support me. I never saw myself as having these kinds of goals until right now, and I feel a little bummed out that this is what it has come down to. I feel like my dreams have died a little bit, I don't know where they died or when I stopped really wanting to be things, but they have.

That said, upon realizing this sobering fact, I have felt a tiny sprout of my former idealism spring up within me over the last few weeks. I think it started when I listened to a talk on a CD by Howard Zinn on Napster earlier this month. His thoughts on history made me remember how I used to view the world as place that we have the duty to change and to change for the better. I heard him talk about his heroes, and I thought about my heroes and what they did, and then I wondered if I would ever be anyone's hero. I guess as long as I think about things in terms of how they benefit me, I won't ever be that to anyone...

This finals period has been the toughest one yet at BU. Usually I feel very confident and sure of myself going into the finals and then walk out with the same confidence, thinking I had aced the test and gotten an A in the class. On this, I was usually correct; in my first four semesters here I didn't get anything lower than an A-. However, this term, the grad courses are really ruining my mojo, and I can tell you with some confidence that my streak of no B's will end this semester. For the first time, I feel really nervous going into these things, and unsure if I grasp all the material. I think I'm going to have to change the way I conduct myself during the semester to remedy this. The tricks that minimized the amount of working I had to do to get A's in my undergrad courses apparently don't work when you kick it up a level. I'm going to need to work harder during the semester to have things pay off at the end.